The story of a human child begins far before the child is born. It starts with choosing one’s life partner. Allah says in the Quran that we must marry to make a family and to get peace from that family.
نِسَآؤُكُمْ حَرْثٌۭ لَّكُمْ فَأْتُوا۟ حَرْثَكُمْ أَنَّىٰ شِئْتُمْ ۖ وَقَدِّمُوا۟ لِأَنفُسِكُمْ ۚ وَٱتَّقُوا۟ ٱللَّهَ وَٱعْلَمُوٓا۟ أَنَّكُم مُّلَـٰقُوهُ ۗ وَبَشِّرِ ٱلْمُؤْمِنِينَ ٢٢٣
Your wives are like farmland for you, so approach them ˹consensually˺ as you please. And send forth something good for yourselves. Be mindful of Allah, and know that you will meet Him. And give good news to the believers.
This is why when you decide to get married you need to choose a partner who has taqwa. Prophet Muhammad (saw) in this hadith mentions:
the Prophet said:
“A woman may be married for four things: Her wealth, her lineage, her beauty or for her religion. Choose the religious, and may your hands be rubbed with dust (i.e., may you prosper). – Sunan Ibn Majah 1858
So, it is clear that even before the child is born there is a setup for his upbringing laid out. There is a purpose of his life and it begins with his parents.
Next, when a woman conceives it’s an obligation that this child is not killed in the womb for the fear of upbringing or lack of provision.
Allah says in Sûrat Al-Isrâ’:
And you shall not ever kill your children for fear of indigence. We provide for them and for you. Indeed, [the act] of killing them is an enormous sin – [Sûrat Al-Isrâ’, 17:31).
Every child has a right to life. And then when his mother carries him Allah elevates her status so much so that his jannah lays beneath her feet. Allah mentions the difficulty of carrying a child in the Quran:
وَوَصَّيْنَا ٱلْإِنسَـٰنَ بِوَٰلِدَيْهِ إِحْسَـٰنًا ۖ حَمَلَتْهُ أُمُّهُۥ كُرْهًۭا وَوَضَعَتْهُ كُرْهًۭا ۖ وَحَمْلُهُۥ وَفِصَـٰلُهُۥ ثَلَـٰثُونَ شَهْرًا ۚ حَتَّىٰٓ إِذَا بَلَغَ أَشُدَّهُۥ وَبَلَغَ أَرْبَعِينَ سَنَةًۭ قَالَ رَبِّ أَوْزِعْنِىٓ أَنْ أَشْكُرَ نِعْمَتَكَ ٱلَّتِىٓ أَنْعَمْتَ عَلَىَّ وَعَلَىٰ وَٰلِدَىَّ وَأَنْ أَعْمَلَ صَـٰلِحًۭا تَرْضَىٰهُ وَأَصْلِحْ لِى فِى ذُرِّيَّتِىٓ ۖ إِنِّى تُبْتُ إِلَيْكَ وَإِنِّى مِنَ ٱلْمُسْلِمِينَ ١٥
We have commanded people to honor their parents. Their mothers bore them in hardship and delivered them in hardship. Their period of bearing and weaning is thirty months. In time, when the child reaches their prime at the age of forty, they pray,
“My Lord! Inspire me to ˹always˺ be thankful for Your favors which You blessed me and my parents with, and to do good deeds that please You. And instill righteousness in my offspring. I truly repent to You, and I truly submit ˹to Your Will˺.”
In the same ayah mentioned above Allah mentions another right of a child: the right to be fed by breastmilk. A child must be breastfed by the mother if she is capable of it. It’s his right to parents.
In the same ayah ending part, the dua of a parent is mentioned. This shows the child also has the right that his parents make dua for his righteousness.
Related: Duties of parents towards their child in Islam
The parents must know that the child is a responsibility and that they will be accounted for this on the day of judgment. It is crucial that every parent puts their at most effort into making their children god-conscious and pious. It is important that the council train their children to be on Tawheed and Shari’a, the way Luqman (as) counseled his son. This is mentioned in the Quran in the following verses:
وَإِذْ قَالَ لُقْمَـٰنُ لِٱبْنِهِۦ وَهُوَ يَعِظُهُۥ يَـٰبُنَىَّ لَا تُشْرِكْ بِٱللَّهِ ۖ إِنَّ ٱلشِّرْكَ لَظُلْمٌ عَظِيمٌ
And when Luqmān said to his son while he was advising him, “O my dear son, do not associate (anything) with Allah. Indeed, association (with Him) is great injustice.”
(Surah Luqman 31:13)
وَوَصَّيْنَا ٱلْإِنسَـٰنَ بِوَٰلِدَيْهِ حَمَلَتْهُ أُمُّهُۥ وَهْنًا عَلَىٰ وَهْنٍ وَفِصَـٰلُهُۥ فِى عَامَيْنِ أَنِ ٱشْكُرْ لِى وَلِوَٰلِدَيْكَ إِلَىَّ ٱلْمَصِيرُ. وَإِن جَـٰهَدَاكَ عَلَىٰٓ أَن تُشْرِكَ بِى مَا لَيْسَ لَكَ بِهِۦ عِلْمٌ فَلَا تُطِعْهُمَا ۖ وَصَاحِبْهُمَا فِى ٱلدُّنْيَا مَعْرُوفًا ۖ وَٱتَّبِعْ سَبِيلَ مَنْ أَنَابَ إِلَىَّ ۚ ثُمَّ إِلَىَّ مَرْجِعُكُمْ فَأُنَبِّئُكُم بِمَا كُنتُمْ تَعْمَلُونَ
And We have commanded people to (honor) their parents. Their mothers bore them through hardship upon hardship, and their weaning takes two years. So be grateful to Me and your parents. To Me is the final return.
But if they pressure you to associate with Me what you have no knowledge of, do not obey them. Still keep their company in this world courteously, and follow the way of those who turn to Me (in devotion). Then to Me, you will (all) return, and then I will inform you of what you used to do.”
(Surah Luqman, 31:14-15)
يَـٰبُنَىَّ إِنَّهَآ إِن تَكُ مِثْقَالَ حَبَّةٍ مِّنْ خَرْدَلٍ فَتَكُن فِى صَخْرَةٍ أَوْ فِى ٱلسَّمَـٰوَٰتِ أَوْ فِى ٱلْأَرْضِ يَأْتِ بِهَا ٱللَّهُ ۚ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ لَطِيفٌ خَبِيرٌ
(Luqman added,) “O my dear son! (Even) if a deed were the weight of a mustard seed—be it (hidden) in a rock or in the heavens or the earth—Allah will bring it forth. Surely Allah is Most Subtle, All-Aware.” – (Surah Luqman 31:16)
يَـٰبُنَىَّ أَقِمِ ٱلصَّلَوٰةَ وَأْمُرْ بِٱلْمَعْرُوفِ وَٱنْهَ عَنِ ٱلْمُنكَرِ وَٱصْبِرْ عَلَىٰ مَآ أَصَابَكَ ۖ إِنَّ ذَٰلِكَ مِنْ عَزْمِ ٱلْأُمُورِ
“O, my dear son! Establish prayer, encourage what is good and forbid what is evil, and endure patiently whatever befalls you. Surely this is a resolve to aspire to.”
(Surah Luqman, 17)
وَلَا تُصَعِّرْ خَدَّكَ لِلنَّاسِ وَلَا تَمْشِ فِى ٱلْأَرْضِ مَرَحًا ۖ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ لَا يُحِبُّ كُلَّ مُخْتَالٍ فَخُورٍ. وَٱقْصِدْ فِى مَشْيِكَ وَٱغْضُضْ مِن صَوْتِكَ ۚ إِنَّ أَنكَرَ ٱلْأَصْوَٰتِ لَصَوْتُ ٱلْحَمِيرِ
“And do not turn your cheek (in contempt) towards people and do not walk through the earth exultantly. Indeed, Allah does not like whoever is arrogant and boastful.
And be moderate in your pace and lower your voice; indeed, the most disagreeable of sounds is the voice of donkeys.” – [Surah Luqman 31:18-19]
The above verses are the jewels of advice that a wise father gave to his son. What better wealth can a father give to his child than to teach him Tawheed. The verses above are a must-read and to ponder by every Muslim parent. They show us how a wise person brings up his children. How a parent must first teach his child to be safe from the dirt of shirk. Then he teaches his child the next big thing: to respect the parents and honor them. In the next set of advice, he basically creates an awe of Allah (swt) that how he is all Knower.
Related: How to teach kids how to pray Salah
The understanding of Allah’s powers makes humans more humble. And immediately luqman A.S advises his child to establish Salah, to enjoin good and forbade bad, and to be patient. Then he teaches his son of one of the worst acts: arrogance and pride. This is something which Allah hates the most and arrogance actually kills our good deeds. It is only Allah who has the right to be proud.
All of the above advice are the roots of the upbringing a good human and a good Muslim. This nasiha includes all the best and worst acts that must be done and avoided respectively by each one of us. If we are able to inculcate these characteristics in our children then we can hope that our children might take us to jannah insha Allah.
If you think these advice are common teachings of Islam or they are sort of general advice I urge you to think once again. Remember that when Allah mentioned this in Quran it is surely that the advice of Luqman must be the best advice of a parent to the child.
By keeping these as bases of upbringing children and by making lots of dua for them, we can get through the great test of being a parent.
